He had a heart attack when he saw photos of three boys gang banging his wife, Valerie, around the back of the local Kebab shop.
Valerie lives at number 28 Red Lion Street. You can read all of her stories here.
Valerie is 51, I'm 41. She has teased me for half her life. She's wanked me. She's blown me. She's let me do everything.
But we've never fucked. She says she will one day. I don't believe her.
A month ago Valerie asked me to find three boys to fuck her in a back alley. She asked me to take photos. Things got out of hand.
Valerie gave her husband the photos. And then he died.
I love weddings. People dress sexy at weddings.
Some people dress even sexier at funerals. Wrong people.
I walked into the Church. Funerals are a place for dark nylon and tasteful high heels.
I saw Tessa, who lives at number 13, sitting on a pew at the back of the church.
We sometimes flirted. We both knew we’d never fuck. That made the flirting better.
She wore a see through blouse and tight a tight vest top that revealed the shape of her heavy breasts. Her pillarbox red lips matched her flame red hair. Her face was covered by a black net widows veil.
I bet those pouty lips sucked like a Dyson.
Underneath she wore a too tight black pencil skirt, a deep split ran up the thigh of her right leg, revealing the red top of her black opaque stockings.
Underneath all of this she sported the most ridiculous shoes, all shiny, black and patent with ruffles on the front and 5.5” heels that could kill.
Tessa is real. She writes erotic fiction. You can read it here.
My dick grew hard.
'I hardly think that is appropriate for a funeral do you?' said Tessa looking at the bulge in my trousers.
'Well what the fuck do you expect looking like that? It’s a provocative way to dress for a funeral.'
'I’m being respectful, I’ve made a real effort today, Derek was a really special person and always appreciated my sense of dress. I haven’t really changed what I usually wear, this is pretty standard fare for me, a girl has to feel presentable.'
Taking out a pocket mirror, she twisted her lipstick up and re-applied the red tint to her lips.
'Nobody wears this kind of thing all the time. That’s just a wank fantasy. It doesn’t happen' I said.
'I beg to differ good Captain. Just because you happen to get... hard... because of what I wear, doesn’t mean that’s why I do it. Has it ever occurred to you that I wear what I like because I like it?
I like nice things, I like quality materials against my skin, I have very soft, sensitive skin, and well, the softer the material, the better I feel. There’s just something so... sensual, about the feeling of soft satin or silk against the naked flesh.'
Her eyes went distant as she was obviously thinking very hard about it.
'Satin and lace panties, soft nylon sizzling as I pull them slowly over my calves and thighs, why suffocate the flash of colour of expensive panties by encasing them in tights? It just wouldn’t be right. Besides, sometimes, panties are simply not necessary.'
Narrowing her eyes at my bulging cock she sighed. 'But of course, explaining this doesn’t assist with that does it?' and gestured at my throbbing dick.
I shook my head and walked on.
The church was getting full. At the front by the altar I saw Lois. Lois lives at number 9. Lois was kneeling, praying with some rosary beads in her hand.
Lois is a sweet young religious girl. She goes to church every Saturday with her family, it's a tradition.
Lois is a tiny thing. Only 5 feet tall but but a perfect compact shape. This perfect little girl has beautiful, heavy natural tits and long black hair. She's 22. She looks even younger.
Lois was dressed in a smart black satin dress. In truth it was probably a little too short.
She wore smart, black, high heels. She did look a little like a prostitute, but one that I couldn't afford.
'No, not at all,' I lied.
'A man came up to me,' said Lois. 'He asked if I was Derek's prostitute. I said, no. He said he would be happy to take up my services.'
'Take no notice, Lois. Men are brutes.'
'I try to be good, Captain but sometimes I need to do bad things.'
'I'm not wearing panties. I like wearing no panties to church.'
'Do you believe in God, Lois?'
'Very much,' said Lois. 'But sometimes when I dress for church I just leave my panties off. I want to be available. I want my cunt out.'
'Bless you,' I said.
'It is a blessing,' said Lois. 'I see my cunt very much as a blessing. So why do I feel so bad?'
'You should go to confession,' I said.
'I have already,' said Lois. 'I got here early to speak to Father.'
'I have a lot to confess,' said Lois. 'and I love the confession booth.'
'I can feel God when I'm in there. He knows what I am. I can let out my sins and I have so very, many sins. Nasty secrets. When I'm there alone, with the voice behind the screen. The voice of a man of God. I can be who I am. A whore. God knows I'm a whore.'
'What did you tell the priest?'
'When I was young I would go to the Church when no-one was there. I would take boys to the church and fool with them. I would blow them in the belfry. I would screw on the grass in the cloister. I would spread my legs and lie back on the altar.
I fancied the boys but I fancied my priest even more. Me and this guy found the room where the priest kept his robes. I made him dress as the priest. He fucked me in holy robes. It was the worst I've ever been.'
'And you told the father this today? In confession?'
'I told him,' said Lois. 'I told him with my legs open whilst I played with myself.'
'What did the priest say?'
'He said he could smell me,' said Lois. 'The priest said he could smell my cunt.'
'He said that too. He said I was the devil's whore. He said he had to beat the devil out of me.'
'How did that make you feel?'
'It made my nasty, whore cunt even wetter, Captain. He took me to his room. He gripped my hand so tightly.
He made me bend over his knee. He pulled my dress up.
He saw I was wearing no panties.
He called me a whore.
He called me devil.
He spanked me.
He hit me hard.
My heart raced.
My cunt tingled.
He called me a slattern.
He called me a witch's imp.
He called me a tramp.
He hit so hard.
He spanked with anger.
But my bad nasty cunt just got wetter.
Fuck, it feels so good to be punished.
So fucking good.
He really hurt me.
He really spanked me.
And whilst I was over his knee.
I could feel his cock grow.
Pushing into my belly.
He was old enough to be my grandfather.
I could feel his old man cock stiffen into my belly.
And that just made him madder.
Made him spank harder.
Made my cunt wetter.
It stung, it really stung.
But it was so sweet, I knew I was being used. I knew loved it.
I wanted to be used.
It was heaven.
We're all going to hell, Captain.'
'I don't believe in any of that, Lois,' I said.
'I wish I didn't,' said Lois.
I left Lois alone with her prayers and sat down in the pews.
It was a lovely service.
Afterwards every one left but Valerie stayed at the front, staring at the casket.
I walked up to her.
'Do you want to be alone?' I asked.
'No stay,' said Valerie.
Valerie was dressed to please as always: strappy black heels, tight black dress and sheer, black hold ups.
'What happened?' I asked.
'After those three guys fucked me in the alley I presented your photos to my husband as a present.'
'They didn't just fuck you Valerie, they raped you.'
'It all went too far. Perhaps some fantasies are meant to come true, but I wanted me husband to see. I wanted him to see his fifty year old wife get fucked by three teenagers.'
'Did he like the photos?'
'He couldn't speak. He just held them in his hands and trembled. I knelt down in from of him and unwrapped his cock. He was fully hard and erect. I took him in my mouth. I sucked him off. I wanked him. And he came. I swallowed my husbands junk and it tasted beautiful.
When I looked up he was dead. Stone cold dead.
He'd had a heart attack as he came in my mouth.
You see I can't ever really be sad.
It was a perfect death.
If I close my eyes I can still taste him.'
'Fucking shit,' I said.
'They were his last words, funnily enough.'
We stood there in silence for a while. It was an awkward situation what with everything that had passed between us.
'Captain?' said Valerie.
'In my cunt.'
'Here on top of my dead husbands coffin. In the church.'
'Finally,' I said.
Valerie turned around. I unzipped her dress. Pulled it down to her waist.
She turned back to face me. She wore no bra. She didn't need to. Valerie had amazing tits. She was proud of them.
She pushed them out.
She pulled her dress up.
She wore no knickers.
She was old, but her cunt was still perfect.
She got up on Derek's coffin. She lay back. She spread her legs.
'The coffin is fucking height,' said Valerie. 'I made sure.'
Valerie lay back and opened her legs.
I got my hard dick out and eased it inside her.
I can't lie, she wasn't the tightest fuck. Or the youngest. Or even the best.
But I had been masturbating about this woman for thirty years.
For almost every day of my life I had watched this temptress clip, clop down my street.
In her tight skirts, skimpy blouses and impractical heels.
Don't you have someone like that in your life?
The forbidden fuck?
The wife's friend?
The work colleague?
This was the fuck I'd wanted all my life.
Valerie from across the road. I was fucking her on top of her dead husband's coffin. She moved her hips with me. She arched her back. She pushed her tits up. She gasped. I threw my full length into her. My full fucking length.
I fucked her hard.
I fucked her rough.
Valerie said very little. She just stared me straight into the eye and said, 'Fuck me, fuck me hard. Fuck me hard on my dead husband's coffin.'
'Fuck, you delicious whore. Why did you make me wait so long,' I asked.
'You weren't ready,' she said. 'Come out.'
'Why?' I said.
'Turn me round,' she said. 'Fuck my shit hole.'
'Really?' I asked.
'I want something that big, up my anus. Now.'
I pulled out. We got off the casket. Valerie leant against it.
She pulled her arse cheeks apart. She made her arsehole gape.
She turned around, looked at me and said, 'please?'
I entered her. I went in easily.
I fucked my dream woman.
I fucked her hard up the arse.
I fucked her in a church next to her husband's corpse.
She turned and looked at me.
She said, 'Some women can't come through anal, but I can.'
'Really?' I said.
'You have to fuck me, fast for a long time, when I say stop, you mustn't. You have to send me over the brink.'
Older people fuck better than young people. We fuck longer and harder.
I fucked Valerie and looked up at the ceiling of the church. We were out of control.
We were losing our minds.
All semblance of reason was reason was leaving our shallow minds.
We were demented fuck robots.
We didn't care who we hurt, who saw or what happened.
We were just programmed to rut and fuck and buck and moan.
Valerie did say stop. Several times.
She cried out stop.
She cried, 'Jesus please stop.'
She howled, 'I've changed my mind, I really, really can't take it anymore. Please stop.'
Then she whined, 'Holy fuck, so close, so close, so close, so close, so close, so close, so close, so close, so close, so close, so close!'
I said, 'Come, whore.'
'I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am!'
Valerie came hard. Her arsehole clenched tight. I shot a bucket of spunk up her contracting back hole.
I fell out of her and onto the stone floor exhausted.
But Valerie climbed up onto the coffin.
She squatted on it in her heels.
She pulled her arse cheeks open and let the jizz dribble out of her spent arsehole.
My cum fell out of her arse onto the wood.
Valerie got on her knees and started licking up my cum off her husbands casket.
There is a church not far from Red Lion Street. A neat, modernist church with lots of straight lines. This is where Penny and Warren had their wedding. It took place a week ago on a warm autumn Saturday.
Penny lives at number 48 with her mother, Laura. You can read all of her story's here. Penny's father ran away long ago. On the morning of the wedding Laura asked me to come round. She said she needed my help.
I love the way women dress for weddings. Always sexy and smart, always just the right side of slutty.
Laura was 46 and more beautiful than her 22 yr old daughter. She was dressed in a tight yellow dress with a lace-up back. It was yellow and matched her gloves, shoes and large brimmed hat.
She should have looked ridiculous. In a way she did. She also looked delicious. She was sitting on her stool in her kitchen drinking Martinis at 10am in the morning. Her skirt rode up. I could see her stocking tops.
'How can I help?' I asked.
'I wish Penny's bastard father was still around. The girl needs a dad on a day like today. Could you talk to her? She's very nervous and she's always looked up to you. I think she sees you as a guardian type figure.'
I thought about all the times Penny had shouted 'dirty old man' at me in the street. I thought about the time she told me she got spit roasted in a restaurant by her fiancé and a complete stranger. I thought about the time she sucked me off in her wedding dress and let me come on her face.
I was no father to Penny.
'I'll see what I can do,' I said.
'Before you go up to see her, I could do with a favour myself,' Laura shifted her dress a little so the hem rode higher. She looked at me coquettishly from underneath her wide brimmed hat.
'Say it,' I said.
'A single woman gets lonely. A wedding makes it worse. Don't let me be lonely Captain.' Laura parted her legs a little.
'Open your legs,' I said. Laura opened her legs wide. I saw her beautiful stocking tops and her black satin panties. 'Pull your panties to one side,' I said. She pulled her panties to one side and showed me a cunt that a woman half her age would be proud of. I got my dick out. Laura didn't gasp like the girls normally do. She smiled and looked away.
'How do you want it?' I asked.
'Fast, urgent, functional,' she said and that's how we fucked. I moved in and pulled her legs high and wide. I entered her. I fucked her.
She didn't look at me.
We didn't kiss.
I knew what she needed and I delivered it to her. A hard, perfect fuck.
I started slow and moved my speed up. She moved her hips with mine.
I could tell when she came. Her cunt tightened. She let out a deep breath.
I emptied myself inside her. I came hard. I left it all inside her cunt.
Every last drop.
'Fuck I needed that,' said Laura as she straightened her panties and pulled her skirt down.
'Right,' I said. 'Let me go and see Penny.'
I went up and knocked on Penny's door. She said, 'Fuck off!' and then I walked in.
Her bedroom reminded me of how young she still was. Posters of celebrities I didn't recognise.
She was dressed in her wedding veil and stockings but nothing else. She was painting her nails.
'Didn't you hear me old man? Fuck off!' said Penny.
I sat down on the end of her bed. 'You mother said you were nervous?'
'You stink of sex! Did you just fuck my mum?'
'I know you miss your Father and on a day like today you are sure to be having doubts.'
'You did, didn't you? You fucked my mother downstairs in the kitchen!'
'Just focus on being calm, strong and patient. It will be a beautiful day.'
'Such a filthy cunt.'
'You are going to be surrounded by your friends and family and the man you love.'
'I bet you twenty quid I can suck you hard again.'
'The sun is out, and you look so perfect. I think you need to just revel in the moment.'
'Come on twenty quid. I'm better than my mum let me prove it.'
'Fuck sake, OK.'
I stood up. I undid my trousers. My dick fell out. It was still half hard. It did stink of sex. It smelt of cunt and cum.
'Oh yeah that's my mother's smell all right,' said Penny.
'What the fucking fuck?' I said. 'When do you quit? When do you stop?'
'Put it in my fucking mouth you fucker,' Penny opened wide.
She took my dick inside her. Her mouth was warm.
One thing I've learnt recently is that when you think you can't go again, you usually can.
Penny knows how to suck dick. She's loud, sloppy and messy.
Slowly I grew. I grew in her fucking mouth.
I looked down and said so. I said, 'Shit I'm growing in your mouth.'
My dick swelled to its full size.
I looked down at Penny. She looked up at me. Dressed like a fucking bride, holy shit.
'I fucked your mum. You can still taste her can't you?'
Penny couldn't speak with her mouth full of dick. She just nodded.
She never took her eyes off of me.
Her tits were full and round, her eyes were big and beautiful. But none of this mattered.
All that mattered was the bare facts of the matter.
This was a bride on her wedding day.
I'd just fucked her mum.
She took my dick out of her mouth and whispered, 'I want my wedding breakfast.'
She put my dick back in her whore mouth and reached underneath and cupped my balls.
She squeezed them.
Her eyes said, 'Please.'
I unloaded in her gob. I fucking came.
Penny swallowed it all. 'Mum didn't leave much,' she said.
'I've got to go,' I said.
As I left I told Laura that Penny seemed much happier.
I went home and got washed and dressed up. I rock a suit.
They wore red high heels and pale stockings with red seams up the back.
The theme of the wedding was prostitution obviously.
'Hello girls,' I said.
'Fuck off old man,' said Rikki. Rikki was a bitch.
'Hey, why do you call him that?' said Cate. She was nice. She was my friend.
'Look at him,' said Rikki. 'He's a seedy old fuck. Everyone knows it.'
I could have told Cate how Rikki once begged me to fuck her arse on her parents staircase but I decided to leave it.
'Well I think you're just damned rude,' said Cate.
'Fuck off student,' said Rikki.
'Whatever,' said Cate.
'You seem a little edgy Rikki,' I said. 'Is everything ok?'
'She's shitting herself,' said Cate.
'Am not,' said Rikki.
More guests were arriving and people were starting to stare at these two fierce banshees.
'Come on girls,' I said, 'Let's get you out of the way. You're making a scene.'
I took them both by the arms and quickly scooted them into the church. Rikki said, 'Fuck the fuck off old man!'
Cate said, 'Such a bitch.'
I found a small ante room. The door was unlocked. Inside was a step ladder and a few cleaning products, mops brooms.
I turned to the girls and said, 'Listen, both of you. Calm the fuck down. We are in a church and this is Penny's day. It's not about you two. I want you sit in here. Chill out for ten minutes and when you've learnt to behave I'll come back and get you.
'Fuck off Grandad,' said Rikki.
'Fucksake,' said Cate.
I reached in my inside pocket. I pulled out a hip flask of whiskey. Good whiskey. Too good for these tarts. I gave the flask to Cate.
'Maybe this will calm her down,' I said.
'Fuck off old man,' said Rikki.
I closed the door on them and looked around the church. Guests were wandering in and sitting on the pews. I saw one figure moving very strangely. I went over and found Tashi.
Tashi lives at number 16. She lives with her parents and her sister. She's only 18.
She was dressed in a top hat and tails and wore black high heels with white socks.
She had her dress hitched up and she was playing with her cunt.
It was possibly the most shocking thing I'd seen in my life.
'What the fuck do you think you're playing at Tashi! Jesus fucking Christ!'
'I haven't had sex in 18 days,' said Tashi. 'I woke up Saturday afternoon and I was cock hungry. I had that feeling little whores like me get in the pit of their stomach when they need dick in their mouth. Nobody in my house is worth my time, nor do I have privacy. I messaged a friend in my room whilst hearing my family moving about, it was about 2pm. My friend made me play till I was on brink of coming then stop. I did this 6 times. I was sitting in a puddle of juices. I had to put a towel on the bed. When he finally let me cum I screamed so loud my Father rushed in, so I got up quick and feigned stubbing my toe. I don't think he believed me. Captain my whole room smelt like my sweet, young cunt. You would have loved it. After they walked out I took my time using my fingers to wipe up the mess, licking it off. I really wish you could taste me. I really do taste so yummy.
I had the house practically to myself last night, so I played again. Between you and me, I even used a finger in my tiny tiny arse. It still hurts this morning....
I'm not a woman yet... I know I'm not... I'm still a little girl. I like to think I'm a woman. I can hold intelligent conversation and I certainly feel to old to be only 18 but I still fuck like a teenager. I'm actually not that great a fuck. I can suck cock like a pro and I've never failed at finding what turns on anyone on without even trying. But sex isn't my strong suit. I wish it was, I wish I could fuck like a porn star. Some days I wish I could pick up anyone I wanted, fuck them, then leave them. But most people my age don't appreciate my size.
I'm a fucking little cumwhore and I want every hole filled. I can't wait to go on the pill. I want so bad to fuck a teacher and spend the rest of school day letting the cum drip from my cunt. I want so bad for some old married man with kids to cheat on his wife by coming on my arse and letting it drip down my crack. I fantasize about letting strangers into my house to come all over my face, over and over till I'm soaked in jizz. I want an older woman to push my head into her old musty cunt and teach me how to eat pussy like a pro.
I'm fucking disgusting
I love it.'
Tashi looked at me for a few moments.
'Pull your dress down, get up and go home Tashi,' I said. 'Try and behave yourself.'
Tashi got up and left the church.
Guests had started to arrive. The main usher came up to me.
'Have you seen the bridesmaids? The groom is here and we're nearly ready to go.'
'I think I know where they are,' I said.
I walked to the room where I had left the girls.
I had movement and giggling inside.
I opened the door.
Cate and Rikki were sprawled out on the floor. Rikki had her dress pulled down and her tits exposed.
Both of them had crucifixes stuffed in their pussies. There were no panties in sight.
There was a small puddle of pussy goo in between Rikki's legs.
'Fuck off old man,' said Rikki.
'Jesus H Christ,' I said.
'That's what we said when we came,' said Cate.
'Girls, I'm not religious, but seriously. What the fuck?'
'It was a spiritual thing,' said Cate.
'You wouldn't understand,' said Rikki.
'Tidy yourself up,' I said. 'Get out there. The bride is on her way.'
The girls got up, wiped their cunts and followed me into the church.
The church was full of guests now. They all seemed relieved to see the bridesmaids waiting at the door but there seemed to be a commotion up by the altar. I walked up the aisle to the Usher and the Groom.
Warren, the groom, looked worried. 'Where is she? Why isn't she here? The best man is missing too.'
'Has anybody seen Penny at all?' I asked the Usher.
'She was here,' he said. 'The car pulled up but then we couldn't find the bridesmaids. Now the brides maids are here and the bride and the best man are gone.'
'Hold on, let me go and look,' I said.
I walked around the church opening doors and looking in corners. I walked round the back of the altar and there, in the furthest darkest corner I saw some movement.
As I got closer I could make out Penny's wedding dress.
There were two other people there too.
And then I saw.
SJ is a tall, powerful sex bomb of a woman. A fucking colossus of tits, legs and killer high heels. She stands at 5'11 with massive G cup boobs. She curves in all the right places. Old men have died watching her cross the street. She wiggles, she shakes, she struts.
The best man was there too. Eating the bride's cunt.
Once again there were no panties to be seen.
I should have been surprised. I really wasn't.
'Penny? Penny?! Get up. Time to get married,' I said.
'Don't you even think of answering him. You have your mouth full!' said SJ.
It's true. Penny's mouth was full of cunt.
The best man turned round and said, 'Dude, give us five minutes will you?'
SJ said, 'It's my wedding present for Penny. A beautiful dripping snatch.'
SJ really was a minx. A little devil. You could see it in her eyes.
'Can't you go five minutes without getting your cunt filled. Why do you have to be such a destructive little tart, Samantha?'
'Do you hear her complaining? Penny wanted my cunt. She looked so pretty. I couldn't refuse.'
'Slag, tarts, fucknuts,' I said. 'Get up now. Penny's getting married.'
As Penny got up from underneath SJ her lipstick was smeared across her face and mixed with glistening fanny juice. I could smell SJs pussy on her face. So would the groom when he kissed her.
'I'm going to be the perfect Wife,' said Penny.
Somehow the wedding went ahead. Somehow Penny and Warren got married.
The reception was at the Red Lion Pub. The drinking went late into the night. By 2 am there were only a few of us left. People were going home. The DJ started packing up.
Rikki had been dancing all night. Rubbing and grinding herself up against all the old men. They thought she was just having fun and joking. I wasn't so sure.
Rikki sat down next to me. For once it looked like a girl on Red Lion Street had had enough of wearing high shoes. Rikki looked at me with an expression you might call friendly, just about.
'It's doomed,' I said.
'What the marriage?' asked Rikki.
'I think so.'
'I think they're going to be great together. I think their marriage will last,' continued Rikki. 'Do you think that Warren doesn't know that Penny sucked you off this morning? Or that she got her snatch licked behind the altar by the best man? She told him. He loves it. He does the same.'
'Hmmm,' I pondered, 'but these things always slide out of control. People saying they are polyamorous and all that shit. People want to be needed. Jealousy will turn up at some point.'
'I think that's true of many,' said Rikki. 'Swinging and open marriages is a posture for many. Something one person wants more that the other but I think Penny and Warren are the real deal. Absolute fuckaholics. Totally committed to each others sexual pleasure no matter what it is. They are without boundaries and limits. They are on a beautiful, fiery trip to hell. They are careering into the abyss, covered in sex juice, opening their holes for anyone that wants them. They are totally lost in each other. They want to stay lost.'
'Maybe,' I wasn't convinced.
'Let me show you a beautiful marriage. Follow me.'
Rikki got down on her hands and knees. She crawled across the dirty dance floor. I followed her. I had no choice. I don't know what I'm doing any more. I am a husk.
Rikki pulled her bridesmaids dress up over her arse. I could see her cunt and anus as she crawled.
Rikki crawled towards the men's toilets. She pushed the door open with her head. We went inside.
Inside was Penny naked but for heels, stockings and her veil. She was riding a naked guy, reverse cowgirl on the dirty toilet floor. His dick was long and thick. She was fucking him slow and steady. Almost rising off it before plunging down again.
Standing either side of her were Warren and the best man. Penny was wanking the best man and about to put his dick in her mouth. Warren had his dick out too and was rock hard.
'Hello Rikki, hello old man,' said Penny.
'That's the dude who stopped me eating out Penny at the church,' said the best man.
'Shut up and stick your dick in my Wife's mouth,' said Warren.
The man on the floor said, 'Shitfuck.'
Rikki turned around to me and said, 'Aren't they beautiful? Aren't they in love?'
'Possibly,' I said.
'Mmmmm,' said Penny.
'Shit, I'm close already,' said the best man.
'All of you, please fuck my wife. Fill all of her holes. Make her day perfect,' said Warren.
The man on the floor said, 'Has anybody seen my wife? Has she gone home?'
Rikki said, 'Take my arse old man. Take it now whilst I lick my best friend's cunt.'